Letter 32 - Are You Abusing Yourself?

Hello Bregdan Women,

You’ve got Suess today…

As Bregdan women, we are called upon to be fulfill many roles. Today, I want to remind myself, remind Ginny, and remind you that giving yourself away to the point of hollow and void is no way to live.

As I think about Bregdan women living their dreams, making a difference, changing lives, and moving forward, I also want to remind us to take care of ourselves. I hope this little antidote from my own life offers you a tad bit of wisdom in choosing the woman looking at you from the mirror. Choose YOU!

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"The phone won't stop ringing!" Silently, I cursed the invention! I was too busy trying to get done what I needed...

Ring!

Ring!

Ring!

"Make it stop!" I pleaded silently with whatever power had telephones under its control!

Ring!

Ring!

Ring!

I felt drained. Used up. Empty. Angry. Guilty.

What was I supposed to do? A good caring person says "yes" when someone asks them . . . right?

"I was wondering if you would__________?"

That blank had been filled a million times with everything you could imagine . . .

Suess, could you:  

"Bake a cake for Thursday?

Talk to my teenager?

Pick up my kids?

Sit with my grandma?

Drop these off at the office?

Cater the rehearsal dinner?

Keep my kids for the weekend?

Take food to the hospital waiting room?

Work in the nursery?

Write a newsletter?

Speak on Sunday?

Babysit on Saturday?

Keep my dog? Cat? Bird? Turtle? Horse?

Help me move?

Create invitations?

Give me some advice?

Organize the dinner?

Bring the salad?

Work part time?"

This was a typical week of trying to balance what I needed, what I wanted, and what I had to do. What was I supposed to do with the legitimate requests and needs of people I cared about? I was the "go to" girl . . . for a good reason . . . I could get it done!

Eventually, however, crisis occurred . . . I hit burn out.

You know that drained, fried, withered, angry spot deep inside where exists a shell of your former self? This spot knows no ages or boundaries. It will hit teenagers and adults alike.

Anytime we continually drain ourselves of life-giving actions that "refuel & renew" us, we hit burn out. For me when that burn out exploded, I crashed . . . physically, mentally, and spiritually. To regain my strength and JOY of living, I made a few appointments with a family counselor who wisely showed me where I was abusing myself by neglecting my own needs!

Stop and let that statement sink in: …I was abusing myself by neglecting my needs.

Are you abusing yourself by neglecting your needs?

I hope not. I hope that you never experience that horrible, barren emptiness.

Yet, if you are empty and withered, keep reading…

 I found real hope!

I learned a couple things that have pretty much kept me away from burnout ever since! Want to know what those things are? I hope so, 'cause I am gonna tell you!

Number 1: “Every need does not a ministry make.”  I learned that other people can have needs in their lives and I can see those needs, but I do not have to always fulfill or try to fix those needs.

Afraid of appearing callous and cold, I was anxious at first when I chose to allow others to grow up and be responsible. From allowing a teenage child to wash his own clothes, a church dinner to be directed by someone else, or a best friend’s request for my company to be answered by a gentle “I’m sorry, no, I can’t,” I gave myself the highly prized gift of extra time, enjoyment and freedom.

My letting the need go gave the child, the other church member and even the best friend, the gift of knowing they were gifted, capable, successful and could do “it” without me. Having others learn they can depend on my help but that I cannot be monopolized has broken many unhealthy dependencies. Granted, I still do things with other people, but I no longer do for them that which they can do for themselves.

Number 2: “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should” is tied closely to number 1. This saying goes deeper into the realm of enabling. Not content to simply help others, I often times would do things within people’s lives without being invited.

If a best friend’s husband consistently forgot to put out the trash on delivery day, I rolled their smelly garbage curbside. If my favorite neighbor complained of her unorganized garage, I arrived with my truck and literally cleaned out their entire area.

Not always being asked to do these things, I assumed I should “do” because I could. Eventually, I became embittered by their lack of action and yet, begrudgingly continued right on doing.

Answer?

Simple - leave other’s affairs alone.

While I lost my control over the situations, I gained the needed mental health to enjoy helping. Nowadays, when I truly feel the desire to get involved, I ask what we can do TOGETHER.

Each person brings a remedy and together we discover the answer to the problem. No longer acting egotistically on my own, I find much greater joy in the teamwork.  

It took time for me to consistently live these two truths. I did recover from burn out and learned to love to help again . . . within reason!!

Okay, that's it for this time. Remember, you are valuable, special, and unique.

I know you can take these 2 truths and find the joy in your life again.

If I can do it then so can you . . . and you deserve to take care of YOU!!

We are after all, Bregdan Women!

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What will you do today to impact history??

We’re on this journey with you… (And have 2 FREE gifts for you below!)

Ginny & Suess

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