Letter 89 - 3 Women Who Chose to Love Out Loud!

Hello Bregdan Woman,

You have Suess today…

Do you remember the night of October 12, 1998?

For Wyoming 21-year-old college student Matthew Shepard, it was the night his violent assault and beating from five days prior, became his murder. He succumbed to the brutal beating and torture he endured before being tied to a fence and left to die.

For Matthew’s loving parents, Judy and Dennis, it was the night their entire world shattered into small pieces.

For Matthew’s friend, Romaine Patterson, it was the night her life of social justice and activism began.

For the USA, it was a night when hate crimes again hit a national stage.

For Bishop Mariann Bodde, it was a night to remember to love.

Matthew’s story is well documented and details quite easy to research, and yet quite difficult to comprehend. Simply put, Matthew was gay. Matthew was murdered for no other reason. He was gay.

LGBTQIA+ is the abbreviation for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, intersex, asexual, and more. All the terms are used to describe a person. A beautiful worthy person. Mere words to describe a human’s sexual orientation or gender identity.

No LGBTQIA+ person deserves hate, bigotry, prejudice, violence, savagery.

NO human deserves hate, bigotry, prejudice, violence, savagery.

I identify lesbian and any hate crime from the past or current against a LGBTQIA+ person ripples strongly thru my emotions. My heart breaks. Over and over again. Yet, this story is not about the brutality of murder nor about his killers.

I want to shine a bright beacon spotlight on three Bregdan Women: Matthew’s friend, Romaine, his mother, Judy and the Rt. Rev. Bishop Mariann Edgar Budde of Washington D.C., whom you read about a few days ago.

These three Bregdan Women’s response to the atrocious, wicked hate of Matthew’s murder reveals the beauty and depth of compassionate love in motion.

Romaine and Matthew were close friends. At his funeral, a hate group from Westboro, Kansas appeared - uninvited and unwanted - with each member displaying large signs and shouting. Their signs cluttered with vile insults and crude sayings bordered their loud voices shouting hateful slogans. Their entire rhetoric was against LGBTQIA+ people, against Matthew, against his family and friends. I cannot fathom ‘the why’ of this group. I cannot understand the cruelty of such an evil show of hate as to desecrate a funeral of a young person.

Romaine watched that Kansas group in disgust. She vowed as her final goodbye to her loving friend to always remember his desire. . . ‘’to spend his life helping people realize that they, as individuals, could make a difference in the world.”

Romaine adopted Matthew’s desire for her own life. When Matthew’s killers were caught and brought to trial; the hate group planned another visit to torment Matthews family at the courthouse. This group, fully void of compassion, would do absolutely nothing but show zero regard for human life.

Romaine thought about how to best show up with love in action. Remembering Matthew, Romaine gathered friends and they created seven-foot-tall angels wings to hold and protect the family from having to see the Kansas filth. As a group they surrounded and prevented the hate filled visual of homophobic slander.

Romaine, a 21-year-old herself at the time, declared,” I decided someone needed to stand toe to toe with this guy and show the differences. And I think that at times like this, when the world is talking about hatred as much as it is right now, that someone really needs to show the difference. So, our idea is to dress up as angels. And so we’ve designed an angel outfit. Our wings are huge. They’re like big ass wings. And there’s gonna be like ten to twenty of us that are angels. And because of our big ass wings we’re gonna COM-PLETE-LY block him. So, this big ass band of angels comes in. And we don’t say a word. We are a group of people bringing forth a message of peace and love and hope. And we’re calling it Angel Action. Yeah, this twenty-one-year-old little lesbian’s ready to walk the line with him.

Her love in action spurred her life. After Matthew’s death she became an effective American LGBT rights activist, popular radio personality and author. Romaine chooses repeatedly to spread her message of peace, love, hope, as well as Matthew’s belief that one individual can make a difference.

That my friends, is a Bregdan Woman actively rippling waves of human compassion, dedication and pure love into the world as she surrounded Matthew’s precious family in a very dark hour.

Judy Shepherd and husband Dennis placed their energy, grief and energy into The Matthew Shepard Foundation. The mission is to:” …amplify the story of Matthew Shepard to inspire individuals, organizations and communities to embrace the dignity and equality of all people.” Our work is an extension of Matt’s passion to foster a more caring and just world. We share his story and embody his vigor for civil rights to change the hearts and minds of others to accept everyone as they are.”

Judy spends her time speaking, traveling and shining the bright light of acceptance to all people. She would prefer of course, to have never walked this Wyoming road. Judy paid the ultimate price to choose a Bregdan Woman’s lifestyle. She could have withdrawn and lived a hermit’s life. She could have chosen to become angry, bitter and hateful. She could have lost herself in the deep, dark waves of a mother’s grief. Yet, she chooses to stay engaged, involved and to remember her son. She educates the public about LGBTQIA+ people and hate crimes. She connects with other grieving people whose lives have been shattered by hatred and violence. Tears, thru smiles, reflect her compassion.

Her son died needlessly and yet she loves out loud. She speaks often of helping individuals …” to find their voice to create change and challenge communities to identify and address hate that lives within their schools, neighborhoods, and homes.”

Her sons murder, notorious in the USA, birthed an activist movement that eventually resulted in the passing of a US federal law. A hate crime (sometimes termed a “bias crime”) defined by law: “as a crime, usually an assault or a property crime like vandalism or graffiti, where the offender targets his or her victim specifically due to one or more personal characteristics such as race, ethnicity, religion, national origin, disability, sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, or gender expression.” The Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act exists from 2009 as a federal law against ‘bias’ crimes directed at LGBT people.

Twenty years later, in 2018, the anniversary of Matthews death approached.

Bishop Mariann Budde, in partnership with the Rev. Bishop Gene Robinson, the first openly gay man to attain that rank in the Episcopal Church) spoke with Matthew’s parents.

Judy knew of Bishop Robinsons’ consecration service in 2003. She arranged for the delivery of a note. That kind gesture of a small handwritten note encouragement offered him profound solace and intense courage. The note simply said,’ 'I know Matthew will be smiling down upon you tomorrow.”

His consecration had proved so controversial that he feared violence for his life and wore a bulletproof vest for the consecration service being held in a church sanctuary. Judy reached out in tender support to remind the soon-to-be Bishop that he too, like Matthew, ‘could make a difference in the world’. She certainly never misses an opportunity to be a Bregdan Woman.

Fast forward 15 years…

For twenty years, Judy and her family had feared placing Matthew’s ashes any place for internment. Feared violent desecration of his final resting place, yet they yearned for a place they could visit their son in peace and in honor. The Right Rev. Mariann Budde offered to celebrate Matthew’s life and to intern his ashes at the Washington National Cathedral in Washington D.C.

Finally, Matthew would fulfill that desire to “…help people realize that they, as individuals, could make a difference in the world.”

Thousands attended his memorial service, yet thousands more visit the Cathedral yearly to view the plaque upon his niche door, the devotional portrait and celebrate his life.

Bishop Mariann is quoted…” Matthew Shepard’s death “was a wound on our nation. We are doing our part to bring light out of that darkness and healing to those who have been so often hurt, and sometimes hurt in the name of the church. There will be young people from all across the country, having tours here and being educated here. When they pass by, they will see a plaque in his honor. They will see that this is a church that has learned from the example of violence that we need to stand and be counted as among those who work for justice and the full embrace of all God’s children.

Bishop Budde understands that choosing to love is exactly how a Bregdan Woman lives. I am deeply touched by her faith and action. She, Judy and Romaine know that their ongoing pursuit of justice, is not simply for ‘LGBTQIA+ rights but for human rights.

Human dignity.

Acceptance.

Matthew’s mom Judy is known for saying, “…erasing hate is not a gay issue or a straight issue; it’s a human issue.”

Today, Bregdan Woman you have a choice. I sincerely hope you are not familiar with the deep pain of violence, but I do hope that you choose to seek peace and offer hope to yourself and others when life turns messy.

I hope you chose hope in life’s dark experiences. To show up with white giant ass angel wings and cover the ugliness of our society with beauty.

To stand and protect those that are hurting.

To seek out both big and small ways to connect with others.

These three Bregdan Women show me how to be a better Bregdan Woman.

Today, I choose to follow their examples and love out loud.

What will you choose?

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We’re on this journey with you… (and have 2 FREE Gifts for you below…)

Ginny & Suess

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