Letter 87 - What do you do with your ripples?

Hello Bregdan Woman,

You have Suess today…

Most times, we write about Bregdan Women whom we do not personally know. Today, I decided to write about a few women without whom, I would not be alive. My grandmother! My mom! My aunt!

My mother, Billie Sue…isn’t that such a great Texan name, was born in 1926 in Sweetwater TX Known as Mimi later in life to her grandkids, she was much more often, oddly enough called “William” by family and friends because Bill is the nickname for William.

Her father, born in 1889, Cliff Glass, drove for the local dairy as a milk man, first driving a horse and wagon and later in a newly designed milk truck. Quiet, caring, funny and enjoying practical jokes, his favorite past time was volunteering at the “old folks’ home” where both his mother and mother -in-law lived.

Her mother, born in 1902, Opal, is the first Bregdan Woman I knew. She broke societal rules regarding business in the 1920’s when she privately owned her own women’s clothing store, specializing in cocktail and party dresses. Family stories tell of Opal being ousted from managing the J.C. Penney department store because she was female. Legend has it: she refused her “severance” pay, stormed out of that managers office, stormed down the street toward home and upon turning the corner onto ‘main street” saw a vacant space which birthed her next move.

By end of week, she was ordering dresses and planning her ‘grand opening.’ She competed with JC Penney and won! Her dress store remained after JC Penney’s moved out. I do remember visiting my grandmother’s (‘mommy’ as we called her) store and trying on long white dress gloves. What I cannot remember is the name of her store!

Frances, mom’s older sister, “Aunt Fran-Fran” born in 1923 inherited both her mother’s business savvy and determined interest to succeed. Graduating from Hardin Simmons University with a degree in journalism, she eventually secured a spot with the Abilene Reporter News: a growing newspaper where she became a column writer.

She, too, was a Bregdan Women in word and in action. I recall listening to her tales of perceived male superiority from the 1950 - 1970’s at the newspaper. The men’s attitudes of boastful arrogance at her workplace - she called ‘nothing more than ignorance’ while she laughed at them. She laughed loudly and to their faces and simply kept on writing.

Her fiery personality was tempered by her husband, my uncle “Daddy Bob”. Mild mannered, reserved and quietly caring, he lived as a watcher of life. Fran-Fran lived fiercely independent, loudly opinionated, and to my knowledge, not regretful of her choices.

My mom’s family lived an upper-class lifestyle in a small rural town. Billie Sue stood tiny in stature but powerful in opinion. Fully grown, she barely reached 4 foot 11 inches. Her feet, as a child didn’t touch the floor with the regular elementary school desks and a family friend carved her a school desk that promoted to the next grade with her until the 8^th grade. After that, her feet touched enough.

My mom also attended Hardin Simmons University– a bit unusual for women in the 1940’s but my gentle grandfather and Bregdan Woman grandmother insisted both daughters go much further in education than the 9^th grade educations they possessed.

Mom, a Bregdan Woman in her own right: played basketball in college at 4’11’– running faster and turning quicker than her taller teammates she easily stole basketballs and helped secure victory. She flirted her way out of English finals and flourished at ‘shorthand’ in business class.

Not one for serious pursuits, she often talked her sister and her friends into sneaking onto the late train to ride to Fort Worth, Texas to go dancing. Always the one to make friends, Mimi’s college friends included: film and television actors, Fess Parker, known for his TV roles as both 'Davy Crockett' and 'Daniel Boone' and Dan Blocker, ‘Hoss' in the hit TV show 'Bonanza'.

My mom married David Adrian my father, a U.S. Navy man in 1947 and from that point on, she fully embraced her role as wife and mother. She let her individual life as a “woman” take third place. Even though she did not openly embrace “feminism” or “women’s lib”, her voice was not quite fully silenced. She made her opinions known and did not back down when challenged.

I, of course, wish she had spoken out much more for equality, social justice and diversity. Wish she had shown me that women come in many shapes, forms, sizes and have a larger variety of acceptable ways to exist, live and dream.

I recognize that this tiny but resilient Bregdan Woman, lived with decades of unspoken pain. My mom was pregnant to full term six times: yet only three of us survived into adult. Two of those six pregnancies nearly killed her, too. One of those pregnancy’s that nearly killed her was mine. She chose to go against all medical advice: She chose to “try one more time for a girl.”

My mother longed to share life with a daughter. After five sons, she finally got her wish. Oh, how she ached for those three absent infant sons even as she wholly devoted herself to my two brothers and me. She did the best she could to cope.

Her own mother, Opal, paid for her determined independence. She was tortured with forced inpatient shock therapy – each lock up demanded by her physician and encouraged by society. Shock treatment more than once!! Unfortunately, it was far too common in the early 1900’s. I am certain her strong personality was her only symptom.

Sadly, she grew dependent on the pills offered to her …. pills to “reduce her anxious nature”. I think they gave her pills to reduce her personality. Mommy Opal did the best she could to cope.

David (Dandy), my father, from his days aboard Navy submarines in the nightmares of World War II suffered from what we now understand as Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD). Sadly, no venue to heal existed for him. He too, did the best he could to cope.

Mimi as that generation of women most often did, followed her mother’s example and also chose prescription pills to cope with her emotional pains. (. . . as a side note: my father chose booze.)

I could write about their financial success that I immensely enjoyed while I grew up in their big house.

I could write about the unspoken and deeply confusing emotions I hid -- of growing up gay in their house.

I could write about the true joys of holidays, cookies, horseback riding, fishing and water skiing at the lake house.

I could write about layers upon layers of stoic, dysfunctional methods to survive their masked grief.

I could.

Yet, as a Bregdan Woman, while I accurately acknowledge that my grandmothers, my aunts, and my mother’s choices rippled and ripple into my life, I must decide for me: what will my ripples be? What do I choose? What will I create to ripple from my life?

As a Bregdan Woman, I have consciously chosen to heal from the painful ripples of my family with therapy.

I choose to embrace my brokenness with conversation.

I choose to expose my inner darkness with sharing.

I choose to honestly reveal my shame and fear.

I choose to create family to include others who are vastly different than me.

I choose to build a larger table for others to join me and offer each of us a place to live in peace.

I choose to create a different ripple of healing for my children, family and friends.

As a Bregdan Woman, I’ve consciously also chosen to celebrate the sweet, tender, joy filled ripples that came directly from Opal, Fran-Fran and my mother.

I decorate for the holidays – with twinkling lights for all to enjoy.

I grow house plants & flowers.

I enjoy fishing for crappie and bass.

I delight in serving coffee around a candle lit table.

I mirror my grandmother’s fiery determination to succeed.

I mirror my aunt’s fierce independence and stay true to my writing.

I mirror my mom’s friendly, fun mannerisms and create a home … a home: warm safe open place for parties, late night cookies, ice cream, games alongside honest, loving, acceptance.

What will you do, Bregdan Woman with the ripples of your past generations? As always, what will you choose?

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We’re on this journey with you… (and have 2 FREE Gifts for you below…)

Ginny & Suess

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