Letter 32 - She Had To Escape!
Hello Bregdan Woman!
Today’s story has a positive ending but it starts with an abuse trigger warning. Hang with me… you’ll be glad you did.
“Shut up!” Wham! Slap! Scream!
If only these words were sound effects from a movie… They weren’t. It was the life Paula lived.
How had she ever gotten to this place in her life? The fear for herself and her children was worse than the physical and emotional pain. The panic welled up inside again as she realized what she had to do.
For 14 years, Bregdan Woman Paula Lucas, experienced the horror as she and her children were terribly misused and abused by her husband. As a United States citizen living abroad, her choices were limited. Living in the Middle East, she had no one to ask for help.
Paula knew if she abandoned her marriage, and got caught before reaching U.S. soil, she faced imprisonment and would never see or hug her children again. But those risks had to be taken. Paula knew it was up to her to get her kids and herself to safety.
Day after day - for 14 years - Paula wondered how to escape.
How to survive.
Night after night she cried on the inside . . . pleading for answers that never came.
“I have to get away. How can I leave? Can I make it back to the U.S.? How? When?”
“Help me!”
The plea went unheard and unanswered.
These thoughts ran through her mind time after time. Fear, loneliness, anguish, and despair mixed around the love she sometimes still felt toward her husband. The cycles of abuse and care waxed and waned like the lunar pull of the moon.
The care of the children during the day kept her mind occupied. . . at least when things were calm. The nights were hard. Her children’s cries and fears always magnified themselves in the stillness of the night.
Her three boys were four, six, and eight. She was the only one who could save them.
Paula knew she had to escape.
She tried for two years to get help from the American Embassy. They did little more than smile sympathetically and pat her on the back. It was clear she was on her own.
Frantic on the inside but patient on the outside, Paula waited until her husband was gone on a business trip, and then began the search for their passports. He had hidden them to keep her and the kids inside the confines of both the house and the border. Terrified and desperate, she felt defeated, but she hadn’t given up.
Anguish took over as she ransacked her home in the search. Finally, trembling with panic, she discovered the passports. A tiny glimmer of hope gradually rekindled in her heart. Knowing her time was limited; she packed one suitcase for her and her 3 boys.
The night before their departure, she made a promise to God: if they survived, she would dedicate her life to helping other American women and children facing violence abroad.
Risking prison if caught, she took all her courage and walked out of the nightmare, onto a plane, and eventually into freedom in the United States of America.
Don’t misunderstand me - Freedom didn’t equal easy.
Paula escaped the abuse, but ran straight into poverty in the richest country in the world. Penniless and owning nothing, she started over.
She started fighting again, but this time it was with the U.S. government. Due to the regulations of coming “home” and the bureaucratic red tape, she found herself homeless and fighting for the custody and safety of her kids yet again. Her husband fought to gain custody of his children.
The freedom she longed for remained elusive.
Paula spent many more nights wondering, “Will I get to keep my kids? Will we ever get out of this shelter? How many more women are just like me living abroad . . . all over the world with no one to call? I need help. They need help.”
Fortunately, Paula was a fighter.
She quickly realized that no organization existed to help U.S. women leaving abusive situations abroad. There was no help for these women desperately needing to come home.
While homeless, Paula worked nights to take care of her kids.
The days, she devoted to helping women living around the world. Even though homeless, her dream eventually became reality.
She founded the Americans Overseas Domestic Violence Crisis Center (AODVC), while living in that women’s shelter.
Wow! That is definitely a Bregdan Woman action!
In 2012 she launched the Sexual Assault Support & Help For Americans Abroad Program (SASHAA). Paula established the American Domestic Violence Crisis Line. This organization is the only one with a world-wide international toll-free crisis hotline: 866-USWOMEN.
Research shows that 4-5 million U.S. citizens live abroad. This non-profit organization supports an estimated 50,000 of those women and children who are suffering abuse; that number of abused woman and children is only an estimate.
Paula’s deep passion to reach these suffering women did not happen overnight. She lost a few battles, but eventually she won a large part of the war against abusive isolation. American women anywhere in the world can call to receive counsel and real help. Her survival ensures hope to anyone who needs it.
Paula’s thoughts at night still call out for help; although now it is a voice calling out to her on behalf of strangers in foreign lands - women unknown to her by name, but united in spirit. This little dynamo of a woman has overcome huge obstacles.
Paula determined to live and to help others live. She succeeded because she did not quit. She is no longer homeless. Not even a bout with cancer has slowed her down. Paula continues to give and give.
As the 2005 Volvo Corporation Hero for LIFE award winner, Paula Lucus’ dream is still to ensure the safety of woman and children everywhere. She never dreamed of winning anything with her life’s work. . . except her own life. in 2013, she wrote her memoir Harvesting Stones recounting her journey of survival. She knew deep within that reaching out to other women would help secure her own future.
Today, Paula continues to lead as a certified life coach and global speaker, helping individuals discover meaning through adversity. She encourages people not only to heal from their challenges but to use them as catalysts for personal growth and transformation—ultimately becoming sources of strength, hope, and empowerment for others.
Isn’t that a key factor in happiness? Reaching out to people?
Knowing that every action you take will ripple throughout history?
Big or small - every action is a vital part of history.
Nothing in this life is as precious or valuable as when we are reaching out to others.
Who can you reach out to today?
I promise that if you sit for a minute and think about it, you’ll know who needs to hear from you, or receive help.
If you are struggling, take a small step toward someone else. Eventually, your steps will lead you to a better place.
Today, if you feel alone, please know that you are not alone.
Remember:
If you are a U.S. citizen living abroad in an abusive situation, there is help: please call the International Toll-Free Crisis Hotline: 866-USWOMEN
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What will you do today to be a Bregdan Woman?
How will you impact history??
I’m on this journey with you!
Ginny
