Letter 28 - Could I Ever Control My Loose Lips??
Hello Bregdan Women,
You’ve got Suess today…
As a very outgoing, energetic, and talkative woman, I have many times spoken out of turn, and spoken without thinking. I would keep talking until I either embarrassed my listener or hurt the feelings of my listener. I became very proficient in apologizing.
I would then lapse into "I am so sorry… I didn't mean that how it sounded... I apologize. I was so insensitive...I’m listening now…"
Shaking my head, I would try to remain quiet for the rest of the conversation.
Operative words: try to remain quiet.
I failed far too often.
Many years ago, I began searching for answers to these obstacles I had in my own life.
Being a Bregdan Woman is not about perfection. A Bregdan Woman looks at herself in the mirror and honestly evaluates her gifts, talents AND her flaws and faults.
A Bregdan Woman can share her victory as well as her missteps.
A Bregdan Woman knows that to try, and to fail is no disgrace.
A Bregdan Woman offers grace and compassion to herself when she realizes she needs to change.
At that time, I owned a small business, was a public speaker, and lived in a very small town. Offering excellent first impressions, a solid reputation, and flawless integrity were paramount to my success in both professional endeavors. I could not afford to be so “loose lipped.”
I wanted to grow wiser, so I asked myself this question, "Why am I so quick to jump into a conversation before I have FULL knowledge of what is being talked about?"
Anything spoken, even the wrong words, seemed better to me than silence.
I discovered the answer to my question one warm summer night when I was alone. Sitting by the lake’s edge, watching dragon flies dance across the stilled water and hearing bull frogs’ chorus, I reflected. I had no one to talk with and had no interruptions.
Within that quiet space, I realized that my growing up years were noisy. There was never silence in my house. We ate every meal with the TV on in the kitchen. My parents watched TV often while I read a book, even at the dining table. We had music piped into speakers throughout the whole house.
Silence was only offered when they were upset with me. Silence came as a punishment for doing something worthy of disapproval. Silence was an unwelcome retribution.
That lakeside reflection gave me knowledge. I had discovered why I found silence so overbearing, but what was I going to do with that knowledge?
My knowledge increased when I discovered I had ADHD - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.
Finally, so much of what I was dealing with made sense, but I still needed answers for how to change things.
I decided to talk to a trusted friend. She suggested two things.
First, my friend reminded me that I must: acknowledge that as an adult with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) I will, I can, and I do interrupt others. It is part of living with ADHD and part of loving me. My wife, my family and close friends know this about me and graciously understand. My medication for ADHD helps me filter and slow down those interruptions. My closest relationships offer me gracious space and keep me focused by helping me track conversations.
Her second suggestion was brilliant. Her instruction before I spoke was to THINK. . .
T H I N K - a short acronym to assist my ADHD mind to remember. Ah, now this idea was something my game loving ADHD personality embraced!
Was I being:
· Tactful?
· Honest?
· Important?
· Necessary?
· Kind?
If the answer to any part of THINK was NO, then I would/should say: nothing.
Nothing.
I needed to learn that silence was sometimes needed. Silence: a valuable and indispensable option. Silence was NOT punishment. Silence was not negative. Silence was not my being suppressed. Silence gave the other person time to communicate. Silence was respect in action.
Silence when viewed appropriately could be turned into my friend.
THINK has become part of my mental attitude. As I recognized my communication errors, I began to THINK.
THINK.
Interestingly, my relationships improved.
My self-control improved. MOST of the time, I quit hurting people's feelings. MOST of the time, I became in control of my mouth instead of my mouth being in control of me.
Most of the time is an honest evaluation of myself. I am not perfect, and I do say things wrongly.
YET as a Bregdan Woman, I am committed to becoming the best version of myself. Even when we are not 100% the woman we desire.
We do not quit.
I want to encourage you. Maybe you know someone like me. . . ok, some of you are exactly like me . . . too "loose lipped". Let me tell you, there is hope.
I continue to learn. I continue to stop and question.
I continue today – years later to THINK = Tactful Honest Important Necessary Kind.
As Bregdan Women, we deserve to listen and we deserve to be heard.
It won't happen overnight but if you keep trying, it will work! I promise you! Just keep trying because you are worth it! Your relationships are worth it too.
___________________________________
What will you do today to impact history??
What path would YOU like to pave and follow??
We’re on this journey with you… (We have 2 FREE Gifts for you below!)
Ginny & Suess
Yes.I talk with sense.
I have this problem. My husband is a slow talker and I am a fast talker. I was not always patient with other people listening to them getting their words out...I would finish their sentenances for them. That was not T or N nor K! My new husband is helping be to be patient to what other people are thinking and saying. I have been working on it for about 4 years and I know I am getting better. What you wrote will help me even more. I thank you from the bottom of my heart...because I do want to change and to be a better person.