Letter 14 - Do You Know Their Importance?

Hello Bregdan Women,

I’m here today to put something back out in the world. I first wrote it in 2015, but I believe it’s a message that Bregdan Women need to hear often.

Most of you know I’m the author of the Bregdan Chronicles – a series of historical fiction novels. It’s my greatest joy to write these books!

I read every one of my book reviews online, as well as reading every email and Facebook message. I read this on Facebook back in 2015…

Sounds like it’s just me but I had trouble adjusting to the view of Carrie Cromwell being strong willed and independent and yet crying at the drop of a hat. Likewise, the other female characters. Too many tears!

I smiled. It sounded very similar to one I read back in 2014, and others since.

Another review said…

Also, they’re constantly crying – tears brimming, swelling up, trickling down the cheek – just about every second page they seem to cry. After 5 books, I have the distinct impression that Carrie, Rose, and Aunt Abby went through extremely difficult times which would have made them very resilient and tough indeed. I cannot imagine that they have such loose waterworks. I found this quite irritating.

I laughed when I read this. I assure you there aren’t tears on every other page! Still, I thought about these reviews for a long time – not because I was offended or hurt – but because it goes so deeply to the core of people’s perceptions.

Let me start by telling you a story.

My childhood was very difficult. I was 5 when my father left. Though I don’t remember most of my childhood, I do remember that day clearly. I walked around our front yard crying. I believed that if I cried, my father would know how much I was hurting, and he wouldn’t leave. He left anyway. I made a few decisions that day.

1 - Don’t ever show your feelings, because they don’t matter.

2 - Don’t ever cry, because no one cares.

Those decisions carried me through for quite a while. It was 10 years before I shed another tear.

Everyone simply saw me as the class clown – cheerful and happy-go-lucky. No one knew I was dying inside.

The day I understood the power of God (at age 15) is the day I cried again. Before I go any further, please know my definition of God embraces every belief from every religion. No one is being left out here.

I decided God must be pretty powerful if I cried!

Impressive, but not life changing in regard to tears, because 7 years passed before I cried again.

I was convinced tears were a sign of weakness. I thought they did nothing but make you vulnerable. I thought they were simply not a part of my being a strong, powerful girl, and then woman. I felt sorry for those women who cried so easily and showed their emotions. Surely, there had to be something wrong with them!

To say I’ve changed and grown would be putting it mildly. When I had an opportunity to put these thoughts into book # 6 (Glimmers of Change), I took it. So, if you haven’t read it yet, here is your sneak preview of one passage… (Don’t worry – it doesn’t reveal anything about the story.)

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Carrie frowned when tears filled her eyes. “Don’t you get tired of me crying?”

“Why would I get tired of you crying?” Abby asked in astonishment.

“I’m supposed to be a strong, independent woman,” Carrie responded. “Shouldn’t that bring with it a certain toughness that would preclude crying so much?”

“Do you think it should?” Abby asked carefully.

Carrie laughed suddenly. “I feel like it’s five years ago and I’m eighteen again. You always just asked me questions back then, too.”

Abby smiled, but her gaze was steady. “I really want to know. Do you think being strong and independent means you shouldn’t cry? Do you want to be tough?”

Carrie considered the question. Finally, she shook her head. “I know tough women,” she said. “I don’t really want to be like them.”

“Do you think the tough women you know don’t have feelings?” Abby asked.

Carrie thought carefully, sensing this was an important discussion. “I think everyone has feelings,” she finally said. “I think they’ve just learned how to not show them.”

“Why do you suppose that is?”

Carrie shook her head, suddenly impatient with the questions. “Does it matter?”

Abby narrowed her eyes. “I think it does.”

Now it was Carrie’s turn to ask the questions. “Why?”

Abby chuckled. “Turning the tables on me, are you?” Her expression turned serious. “I do think it matters. I’ve watched so many women become tough and hard. At first, I thought it was a necessary part of being strong and independent, or just an expected result of going through horrible times, but the more time I spent with those women, the more I realized I didn’t want to live that way. I didn’t want to shut down my emotions, and I didn’t want to carry the guilt that tears are a sign of weakness.”

“So, you don’t think they are?” Carrie was suddenly relieved.

“I think they’re a sign of strength,” Abby declared, laughing at Carrie’s astonished expression. “Women have always cried more easily than men. I prefer to think it’s because we are extra tender inside. Being strong and independent doesn’t change that tenderness unless we let it. I want to live my life freely as a woman – not try to become a man in order to make my life easier. I believe that is the whole point of fighting for women’s rights. It’s not just about getting the vote,” she said, and then paused, staring out over the countryside. “It’s about the right to live as a woman the way I want to live.”

Carrie stared at her. “You’ve thought about this a great deal,” she realized.

“I have,” Abby agreed. “I love the fact that your heart feels deeply enough to shed tears. You and Rose have both kept that ability, even after all the horror you went through in the war. So many others have shut down their emotions because they believe it will protect them from pain.”

“But it doesn’t,” Carrie murmured.

“No, it doesn’t,” Abby said softly. “You are getting ready to live your dream, but it is also going to carry pain. You’re going to miss Robert every day. You’re going to miss Rose and Moses. You’re going to miss the plantation. You’re going to miss the freedom to run Granite down the roads. You’re going to miss driving into Richmond to visit your father and me.”

Carrie blinked tears again, but this time she didn’t brush them away. “I will miss it all,” she said softly.

“It’s okay to feel it,” Abby said. “I already know you’ll push through the pain to make the most of this new time in your life. There is no need to harden yourself. You may cry yourself to sleep a lot, but that’s okay – even for a woman doctor.”

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That is the end of my reading. If you’re curious to know more about The Bregdan Chronicles, there is a link below to discover more.

Here are your questions for today.

What do YOU think about shedding tears? Are they a sign of weakness? Or strength?

Do you need to change something in your life to keep from being hardened against emotions and feelings?

I believe this is a very important question to answer. I can’t fathom who I would be today if I hadn’t learned how to feel deeply. How to cry.

And now, the question I ask you in every letter.

What will you do today to impact history??

I’m on this journey with you!

Ginny

To learn more about The Bregdan Chronicles - and read the first book for just 99 cents!

http://www.DiscoverTheBregdanChronicles.com